“Letters are crucial manifestoes of our loving. At the center of lesbian freedom in the world is the inviolable love of one woman for another written down in a letter.” -Kay Turner
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"But you didn’t have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing.
And I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough..
No, you didn’t have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
I guess that I don’t need that though, now you’re just somebody that I used to know.”
I know you probably won’t read this, you’re never on here. But I don’t need you to read this. I just need to write it.
I don’t foresee a day that I won’t think of you or that I won’t want to write to you on here. You came out of this scot free. You escaped without a scratch, without a bruise and for that I am jealous. You pushed me away a long time ago and managed to replace me painlessly. I however, am not that lucky. I’ve gone weeks without aching for you, but the minute you cross my mind I’m back at your feet begging for your approval, for you to tell me that I am still the biggest part of you. But that is a dream now, distant and taunting me. I want so badly still to text you and ask you to express your love for me, to tell me goodnight, to sleep sweetly. But I can’t, it’s not an option anymore and I hate that.
There’s always someone who perseveres, who rises above the ashes. Today, that is you. Far above me, you are miles away. It is hard for me to believe that I am now alone in this world. It was so wonderful to have you next to me, because no one understood, no one supported us. But you, you understood, you loved me the way that I loved you and despite all of our flaws you accepted me…until now. I fought for us constantly, did stupid and fucked up things for us. But somewhere along the way you threw me out. I miss the kind and loving you, the one who understood me and even when she thought I was acting crazy, never once told me that my hopes and dreams wouldn’t happen. I don’t think I’m selfish, I’ve always tried my hardest to help others and do what is in the best interest of others. When I have done something that hurt someone else, more often than not, it was to please you. I’m sorry if that’s selfish.
Your words have never hurt me more. Dramatic as it may be, a piece of me died inside when you said goodbye to me the other day because I knew it was final. I hope that I can come to terms with it like you have, but until then, I cannot think of you without sinking into the muck that was once our dreams.
I don’t know what happened to you, or when it happened. I’m sorry that it did though. If I could go back in time, I would try my hardest to change it.
I don’t know what to do with these feelings now, so I apologize in advantage if you read this because you’re going to be seeing a lot more like these.
Forever lost in time.
“This meant something to me, there’s a hole in my heart where you used to be.
I still wish you the best of luck baby, and don’t go thinking that this was a waste of time.
I couldn’t forget you if I tried.
You killed what was left of the good in me, I’m tired, so let me be broken.
Look down at the mess that’s in front of me, no other words need to be spoken.
I’ve got nobody else to blame though I tried, kept all our past mistakes held inside,
I’ll live with regret for my whole life.”
tagged as: lesbian. love letter. submission.